Mom, It will make a Good Story (It's a long one)

I have come to realize that our children respond better to situations, delays and inconveniences than I do. Although I am externally attempting to exemplify peace and patience (for I have found it has an incredibly positive affect on our children), and at times even manage to suppress my worry, I can feel the tension growing and have to battle against all my natural responses.

So, when we found ourselves in a challenging situation with few options, I cheered to hear our eldest child enthusiastically respond with “Mom, this is going to make a great story.” My response: “You are right! What an adventure.” My outer response, “....when it is over.” Apparently as I age, my adventurous heart is fading. Or maybe it was just being in a feverish and weak state. After a lengthy introduction, comes the story......

Have you ever been aware of a situation in which you had the opportunity to lend a hand and found yourself awkwardly persuading yourself it wasn't possible or necessary?

Well here in Ethiopia, I no longer find myself occasionally finding myself with inconvenient opportunities to help. They have become part of daily life. And so I have intentionally decided to view interruptions as opportunities. This has allowed me to face interruptions with intention and grace.

But it can wear me down and I have to remind myself that I am not able nor required to help everyone that comes with a need. I am still called to respond graciously to every situation. I am still called to love those that come to my door. I haven't figured it all out and there are still days when I become frustrated at “interruptions” instead of seeing them as opportunities. My daily prayer is to respond with discernment, grace and love.

Because I find it so challenging to say no to a valid request, I am always amazed when other people can respond in the negative without a second thought. In fact, there are times that I worry after I have turned someone away, what will happen. Will that mother actually take her feverish child to the clinic even though we weren't able to take them? Will that family have no food because I didn't have any money left to buy their beadwork?

And so it was intriguing to find ourselves in a position of need. We were completely dependent on someone saying yes. Our car battery had given out several weeks earlier but by coasting downhill and putting the vehicle into gear, our land cruiser's engine was able to start up. And so it was a surprise to find that the hill hadn't been long enough on the morning of our departure despite working perfectly the night before. So there we were with a fully packed vehicle and an unmoveable land cruiser.

Manpower was not going to help. We needed a 4 wheel drive pick up truck to pull us up the hill.

Although we live near a main road, vehicles pass infrequently. Rolf ran up the hill in hopes of flagging someone down. After a surprisingly short wait, we prematurely celebrated his finding of a pickup truck. It was not 4 wheel drive and the driver was dutifully helping.

After hooking up his truck, he hit the gas and his wheels spun. There was little movement. After thoroughly splattering the windshield of our land cruiser with mud, he made it clear he was done. No, he didn't have time to put on chains. No he didn't have time to try another option. So we found ourselves looking at a now filthy and quiet land cruiser.

After another 1/2 hour without any willing help, Rolf hopped on a motorbike and headed to town 10km away. There are only 3 potential vehicles available: an ambulance, a vehicle at the Catholic compound and another organization's vehicle. Upon his arrival, he quickly discovered that the ambulance was gone and the Catholic driver was unable to come due to an appointment in another town. The only hope was to persuade the driver to add some inconvenience to his day. He refused.

Rolf is not too proud to beg a man for help and so he followed the driver to his office and found his boss who ordered his driver to come out an help. Once the driver and saw the situation, he actually seemed excited to help.

It was literally a 30 second pull up the hill. Rolf was then able to let our land cruiser roll down the hill backwards, put it into gear and hear it roar to life. So simple. The driver cheered and drove away. 

                                          (This picture was taken a few days before.)                

We loaded up and headed away from Gesses without a working car battery but hopeful that we would reach our destination (home of another missionary family) that evening. We did.

It was a restless night as I dreamed of all the possible places we would end up broken down. But Rolf and a fellow missionary had the car running at 6:30am. While the pickup truck was running, the battery was removed and placed in our vehicle. Then it was a short pull start on a flat surface. It seemed so easy.

I consoled myself that if we stalled out for any reason, we just needed someone willing to transfer their car battery to our vehicle and give us a pull start. It's a busy road to Addis and so we started off that morning with little fear.

I had been travelling on a camping mattress in the middle seat still feeling rather weak from my previous feverish nights. I woke with a start at the sound of the words:

“Oh Lord have mercy.”

This is a common phrase that the children are used to coming from their dad's mouth. It generally means that there has been an accident ahead. We all sat up and looked out the windows seeing nothing but barren fields and grazing animals. That is when the kids and I noticed the car was at a quiet standstill. This was not good news. It hadn't stalled. The engine had just stopped. There was no town in sight. This could potentially be a very big problem. I was already envisioning hours of waiting for a tow truck that may or may not exist in the nearest town.

This was when our eldest responded with: “Mom, this is going to make a great story.”

Several vehicles passed by our raised hood but a short time later a truck pulling a fuel tanker stopped. He would willingly give us a pull (he wasn't moving down the highway at a very fast pace anyways). Unfortunately we needed a car battery placed into our vehicle first.

Rolf tried flagging someone down but there was a general unwillingness this morning. Finally Rolf stepped out on the road and flagged down a very familiar vehicle. It was the Catholic driver. He turned us down once but what would he do this time.

SECOND CHANCES?

Interestingly, he stuttered and stammered about needing to get to Addis like he was in a great rush for a meeting. A 5 minute delay over an 8 hour drive was not going to delay the man so Rolf felt no pain in engaging the man to help. He was greatly dismayed at the idea of Rolf taking his car battery but relieved that he wouldn't need to pull start us. The tanker was still willing to do this.

The Catholic driver stalled out his car and became agitated that he was holding up traffic. Rolf persisted in finishing the job and within only a few minutes we had been successfully pull started.

My children made the connection remarkably quickly: “The Catholic priest was kind of acting like the Jewish priest in the story of the Good Samaritan. He wanted to pass by.“ Unwilling to be delayed. Unwilling to get dirty. Yet it is a reminder to all of us. Are we only willing to help when it is convenient?

We don't always cheerfully help those who come to our door with a need. Sometimes we respond out of duty or even guilt but Jesus called the Samaritan a neighbour because he had a willing heart. It was no more convenient for him to help. In fact it cost him time and money and possibly his reputation. Culturally, he had no obligation to help for he was an enemy of the injured Jew.

No one would blame him for not helping. There were plenty of reasons not to get involved but he heard God's call to help in a time of need.

I am happy to say that the story ends well. We drove the next 20 minutes without difficulty, arrived in the only town large enough to sell car batteries and have a suitable mechanic. After Rolf dropped off the kids and I at a nearby restaurant, he went in search of a battery.

He was told by a garage that they were sure there was one sealed gel battery in this town. The other batteries available were batteries that needed to be filled with water. We would then need to wait 3 hours to use it. In faith, Rolf went in search of the gel battery and by God's grace and helping hands, found it. The mechanic temporarily fixed the broken wire and soldered it back together.

After lunch, the children and I found ourselves in a restaurant where a luncheon was being served to over 60 people. This meant we were receiving far to much attention to be comfortable. The children were gracious despite lengthy questioning but we were all quite relieved when Rolf called to say he was on his way!

Due to the short 1 hour delay, we were able to arrive in Addis just after dark. We praised God for all the willing hands that helped us get back on the road. We were completely dependent on help coming from the outside (which is not really an easy place to find oneself). Yet we were filled with peace because ultimately we knew that God would send us someone. We were not alone.

And for myself, I pose another question: Can I let allow myself to trust that God will provide for the person in need that I am not able to help or have missed helping?

 

Criticism or Curiousity: Responding to Culture and People

I have birthed 5 children and nursed them all. I was highly encouraged to begin nursing immediately after birth. I have read and heard reasons for why this is so valuable: for bonding, for nutrition, to help with the delivery of the placenta, to slow down bleeding and to stimulate uterus contraction.

I am well aware that there are many mothers unable to breastfeed for a variety of reasons and this is not a writing on such a topic. Because of my limited personal experience is, I am not aware of what happens when a baby is whisked away. But I suspect within a few hours, babies are either being fed by tube/IV or syringe.

I was thrilled to hear that my Gumuz friend had birthed twins the previous evening. I decided to pay a quick visit before starting school with the children. They were tiny. I suspect 3.5 pounds each and they were lying on a mat wrapped in a piece of cloth.

I am always amazed at the strength and independence of Gumuz women. They birth alone and only recently inside their home. Previously, they headed into the forest to birth in complete privacy. She births without a sound and cuts the umbilical cord with either a previously bought blade or the razor sharp edge of a sorghum stalk.

In preparation for birth, Gumuz women search for a special tree and strips the soft, fibrous bark which will help soak up blood that will flow over the coming days. The placenta and blood is swept from the floor with a bunch of green leaves and this is buried in a hole. After this, it is time to rest. There is apparently no hurry in putting an infant to the breast.

When I arrived 12 hours after the birth to see these 3.5 pound twins, I stifled a gasp upon hearing they had not yet nursed. My friend laughed and said, “They are too tired to nurse. They sucked their hands all night. The girl slept all night and the boy cried but he is sleeping now.”

I couldn't help it, I picked up a baby and handed it to the mother. “Please try nursing the baby. The first milk is good for the baby.” She laughed and half heartedly allowed the newborn girl to nurse. After 2 minutes, the infant fell asleep. “See, she is too tired.” I handed her the newborn boy next but he was obviously now in deep sleep after a night of fussing.

So instead of pleading and stating all the reasons she must nurse these babies, I reminded her only of how good the first milk is and that she shouldn't wait too long. (Whatever too long means in her culture.)

Another friend entered the room and seemed surprised to see my friend holding her babies. After all, why weren't they still on the mat on the floor. I mentioned my concern and she also laughed, “Gumuz babies don't die if they don't drink milk for 24 hours. They are too tired to nurse yet. We feed babies who cry loudly and demand to be fed but the ones that are tired need to sleep first.”

I wondered: Is this what makes Gumuz so strong? Life is not going to be easy for these little ones and maybe they need to learn to fight for survival right from the beginning.

I decided it was best not to get emotionally involved in this situation as it can really wear me down but instead gave it to the Lord. This was a woman who had come to dozens of Bible and health teachings and had the knowledge to make good choices. I had to let it go.

The next morning, I tentatively asked my friend's neighbour (who was walking past my house) if the babies were nursing yet. “Oh yes. They are drinking milk well and they cried most of the night. They are very strong.”

Point in case: they had obviously not been harmed by not nursing for the first 24 hours. They will have no trouble bonding with their mother as they will spend most of their time on her back for the next 2 years snuggled in a leather or cloth carrier. (Though I have not yet observed whether Gumuz women place twins together in the carrier or find a young girl to help carry one of them.)

I am first an observer, second a teacher and this has helped me greatly as I have entered into different cultures over the past 18 years. I have no interest in coming in to judge a culture. I may not agree with all the ways things are done but I have also come to understand that there are reasons behind what they do. In some cases, their understanding is based on false information but other times it is actually based on survival.

I try to ask questions filled with curiousity. For example (Long ago, I observed that women do all the collection of firewood and I felt indignant that the men weren't helping their wives with such heavy work.) It is not that my response was wrong but I also didn't need to start criticizing. I needed to ask questions in order to understand.

“Why do women chop all the firewood and carry it home?”

The response given by women: “If the men aren't around and we run out of firewood we can't prepare any food. We can't depend on our husbands. They might not cut the right wood. They might not bring the right amount of wood. They might bring it too late.” These women want to be in charge of their household. Suddenly it made perfect sense.

The men's response was this. “Our women are stronger than we are. Our women don't want us to help. Other men will mock us if we do women's work.”

Cultures are constantly changing but traditional cultures take longer to change. Christian Gumuz men are starting to help their wives (especially after childbirth) and women are starting to accept their husband's help. But it takes time for these changes to be accepted. It takes wisdom to understand and embrace a biblical culture that involves servanthood. For Gumuz, it means being willing to be mocked until these new ways are accepted.

When someone lives life differently from us, we tend to response with curiosity, acceptance or criticism. Responding with curiousity allows me to live in a culture, discover the why behind a practice and share biblical ideas with an uncritical heart. It doesn't mean accepting harmful practices but it does mean responding with love. Criticism does and will enter my heart so I need to constantly bring these attitudes before the Lord so that I reflect Jesus.

This is just as valuable within our western world context. Every family group does life differently and we are living in a world that is rapidly becoming a globalized culture. Especially in urban locations our work places, schools, churches and neighbourhoods are becoming a multicultural society.

Will we respond to one another with fear and criticism or with open hearts, a listening ear and curiosity? When someone new or different moves into our community, will we graciously accept them despite their differences. As I live in community with others, I want to choose curiousity over criticism. I want to understand people's hearts and meet them in that place. I want people to understand my heart.

I suspect, it is as we engage with one another with a gracious and open heart that we can become who God called us to be.....a unified body of Christ and light in a dark world.

Rolf is 39 - October 2nd

Birthdays are always fun.  Celebrations break up an otherwise potentially unending string of days that all look the same.  Our breakfast tradition is special pancakes forming the letters of one's name or age.  I went with age so that our kids would remember how old their dad is.

 

Kalia is the gift giver in our family and she worked hard for 2 days completing a scarf that she knit for her dad. 

One is proud to give the gift and one is proud to receive it!









 We enjoyed some Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes and all that is yummy that goes along with that sort of meal.











Trifle may not seem like a very fancy dessert but when nearly all the ingredients were sent in a package from Canada it makes it extra special!

Angel food cake, whipped cream, strawberry mousse and strawberry jello are not generally found in Ethiopia.

Homemade vanilla pudding and frozen strawberries were a yummy addition and it was enjoyed by ALL!

Bishoftu/Babogaya - boating, go cart and hyena - September fun

Go carting became a rather interesting event when one could not control the speed.  Nadia did not seem to mind the fact that they were racing around the track at rather dangerous speeds.

I, on the other hand, got the slow cart which worked out well for the two of us.

                                                     Fun at a park and pizza restaurant.

                                                                                                             Off road hyena sightings.

Buying samosas and French fries at a local vendor.                   

A mountain climbing adventure turns dangerous - previously posted Sept 13 without pictures

Mountain ranges abound in Ethiopia. They are stunning and one is in awe of God's grand display of greatness. But sometimes a particular mountain stands out and it is waiting to be climbed. 

There is a mountain like this that stands within sight of our friends' home. And so we planned to spend a night en route to Addis so that my husband and son could climb this peak with our friend Jon. 

The weather was clear and they left first thing in the morning.

A mother's heart is always concerned for safety and so prayer went up throughout the morning for a safe climb to the top and back. 

I expected my son would come home with a grin on his face and a lengthy explanation of all they had seen and experienced.

Instead, he was sober and his replies were stilted. Something had happened but he was hesistant to share. No injuries in sight. Slowly, the tale unfolded. 

A beautiful climb. Rocks were dry, long grass available to help grab onto, a gorgeous view, an eagle flying through the sky near the mountain top. 

 

An unbelievable view of the farmland below.

 

Great to just hang out together.

 

                                                      Then came the descent.

They had met shepherd boys on their way up but as they passed them on their return, demands for money were made but ignored.

Minutes later, rocks began to rain down on this threesome. The shepherd boys were acting out in violence likely unaware of how dangerous their throws were yet they persisted.

Rolf grabbed Joel and the 3 of them began to run down the last part of the mountain with rocks narrowly missing their heads. After a safe distance, Rolf called out strong warnings of the consequences for violent behavior. 

The Lord had kept them safe but they were shaken.

Despite speaking to adult members of the community, it seemed that this rock throwing incident was not unusual and little concern given. But this event had impacted Rolf, Joel and Jon.  Although they saw the evil intent of these boys, they also saw the power of God as rocks fell by the side.

A horse shopping Adventure - previously posted Sept 13th without pictures

Last Saturday we were invited to help purchase 4 horses for friends. We left at 6:30 am for the town of Debre Zeit where we would meet two familes. We knew foreigners purchasing horses would be a dramatic experience as we tend to draw a large crowd in small towns. (Because of this, my friend Jakoba and I opted to stay at her home with the 5 youngest children of the group.) 

 We expected the purchasing to take about 2-3 hours.

Last year horse prices were about $200 (4000Eb) but now they were quoting double the price. A “helpful” bystander encouraged our group to travel to the horse market only 15km away.

An hour later and 36km down a muddy track, our group arrived at the horse market. Not only were horses being sold but also cows, donkeys, sheep and goats. The number of people that gathered were so dense that the 1/2 a dozen horses could not even be seen  

It proved to be an unfruitful drive. The crowd was calling out outrageous prices such as ($2500 or more) $55,000 birr! 

A discouraged group returned to town realizing that the $400 price was looking much better. Horses would after all be purchased straight from cart drivers. The horses are worked hard carrying people or goods all day. They are often beaten and usually malnourished. The challenge was to find a healthy horse from a driver willing to sell.

Cart drivers pulled over to offer their horses. People seemed confused as the horses teeth and hooves were looked at. One woman was bold enough to ask the question others were likely wondering. “Are you going to eat these horses?” Gasp. No they are for riding.  

Horses were then detached from carts, ridden and observed for good behavior. 

 9 hours later, three horses had been purchased and transported on the back of an Isuzu transport truck. 

 By the end, the crowd had grown in number and young men were demanding money for “helping”. (This is a normal experience.) Just as the final arrangements were made, our friend Chantelle's phone was stolen deflating everyone's previous enthusiasm. 

So while 2 members of the group hitched a ride with the transport truck to our friends' farm to unload the horses, Jakoba and I took 12 children out for supper while Rolf took Chantelle to the police station to report the stolen phone. 

The suspects were questioned in the van and placed in custody. Just as we were about to head back to Chantelle's home (45 min away), the phone was found! It had been placed between the seats during questioning. 

We had a lively evening recounting the adventures of the day.

Early the next morning, the 3 new horses were fed, ridden and loved. Their coming days will be quite different than their past years. Despite the hours surrounded by people looking and touching our children's hair, they said that the horse shopping adventure was a whole lot of fun! 

 

 The next day was spent cuddling with new baby goats.

 

Checking out the new horses and taking turns riding on them. Each one of these children love horses!