Sunday Blessings and Tears

It will be a week of "lasts" and today was only the beginning.  Last Sunday in Canada.  Last family gathering before we leave.  Tears in the morning and prayers of blessings.  Tears in the evening and more prayers of blessings.    I wish everyone had the chance to be prayed over by a church community, by two sets of parents, by siblings, by friends.  They bless us in our going despite the pain.

In the last 18 years of my life, I have said goodbye 7 times.  This will be the 8th.  You would think this would get easier.  It doesn't.  It gets harder.  And I know that is is a good thing. 

It means we have loved deeply.  And what I fear more than tears, is a hardened heart.  A heart that will not allow others close to it.  A heart that says it is too hard to love.

So I will love.  I will cry.  I will sorrow for my children who say goodbye but don't really understand how much will change while they are gone.  I rejoice.  These cousins, these kindred friends have given a gift to our children.  They have given the gift of love.  And they will still be ready to love when we return.

I cry for myself and for you.  It's not just about me.  It's about us.  Kindred friends.  Kindred sisters.  Kindred parents.  For friendships so deep that my heart feels like it is being ripped from my body when I give that last hug.   And I know.  It is doing the same for you.  And I am sorry for the pain that I cause by saying goodbye.  And I rejoice.   For our friendship will remain.  When I see you again, it won't take us long to pick up right where we last ended.

And most of you aren't the greatest long distance communicators.  I want you to know that it's okay.  Neither am I.  You might get to like some shallow facebook updates and I will like yours.  But I know.  There is so much more.  And you'll get to hear how I am feeling through a blog that strangers are reading.  But know that I am writing for you.  

Blessings and tears.  They will be many this week.  But when I board that plane, I will be counting my blessings and I will wipe away those tears.  Because I know.  And you know.  It is all worth it.  For Jesus.

The Amazing Race

written a few days ago....

The due date showing on the milk jug in our fridge is now showing a day past our departure date. And as the day draws nears, I attempt to smother a feeling of panic. How will we finish all the tasks ahead? How can we complete the list for the day? Can we handle the emotional upheaval of saying goodbye to all who are dear to us...again?

Recently I watched an episode of the Amazing Race Canada. I watched one of the participants nearly collapse under emotional and physical exhaustion. She was being pushed to do too many unfamiliar tasks in too little time.

I'll admit, I do a lot of multi tasking and sometimes I do it well. As I write, we are travelling home from another great visit and our kids are listening to another great episode of Adventures in Odyssey. My husband is behind the wheel, the little ones are asleep and I get to reflect.

I wonder. Am I pushing myself to complete too many tasks in too little time? Am I pushing my husband and my children to do too much in too little time? These tasks are familiar but they are not always comfortable. Particularly in close quarters, car seats jammed against tender shoulders. And when emotions rise and fights flare up, I know. I have pushed everyone too hard. The little things like a foot pressed against a seat back. I place the blame on myself because I am the one making the appointments.

And in the past couple of years, I have discovered something uncomfortable about myself. I find it difficult and at times impossible to say no. I cannot turn away the Gumuz person at my door who suffers. I cannot turn away a child who is hungry. And I cannot say no to an invitation unless the date is already booked. In fact, I will make every effort to find a way to say yes.

But too much of anything, good or bad, can ruin a person. And so the time has come to say, the calendar is full. And I need to face reality. I will NOT complete all the tasks that I would like to. We will not get to see everyone we hoped to. And I hope that you are okay with that. We wanted to call you. We wanted to have you over. We just ran out of time.

Tonight we will put our weary bodies to bed. Our hearts will be glad for dear friends to play with, pray with and love. We will thank God for the gift of friendship. We will thank God for this “Amazing race” that we have the privilege of sharing with you. This is not a race against time. It is a race to finish well. And our prayer is that we will finish it well at every stage of the race and that includes our upcoming goodbye.

It also means that when the race is officially over and we arrive at our Maker's feet, He will say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have raced well.”

Letting go: Proud of who he is

(Note: This was written a week ago so the amount of time left has significantly changed.)

3 weeks. 21 days. 288 hours. As I entered my son's 4^th grade classroom, I was very aware that time was running out. My heart was full. Then my daughter's math teacher engaged me in a teaching moment just because of who she is. My son's teacher welcomed me into the classroom.

My 9 year old son stood up in front of his class and presented his “Star of the Week” speech about himself. He was to share 8 items, 8 ideas about who he is. This was not going to be just any speech. 

My high energy, outgoing son was nervous (he said later his knees were shaking and he couldn't talk any louder).  So no, he wasn't the most fluent speaker but tears began to well up in my eyes.  Because as my boy presented it came out loud and clear.  He was proud. Proud of who he is. A missionary kid (MK). A Third Culture Kid (TCK).  And maybe one day he will give a speech on what that means. But today he just shared a glimpse of that.

1. A Canada flag.
2. An Ethiopian flag.
3. A brown leather soccer ball made in Ethiopia.
4. A plastic tree. Because he climbs trees every month of the year.
5. A roll of injera. Favorite food.
6. Toy tortoise. Kufkuf his tortoise is in Ethiopia.
7. Gumuz necklace. Already worn 780 days.
8. Action Bible. Reads everyday.

He read his notes slowly but he shared a glimpse of his life. This is who he is. A boy who loves the Lord, loves his Canadian friends but also loves living in Ethiopia. This brought tears to my eyes and my heart was ripping in two. 

His ability to move between cultures is a gift.  Few kids his age get the chance to try that.  To live in a national geographic magazine.  But my son doesn't have a choice.  He does it because we do it.  It also means that he is not living the “normal” life that most 9 year old Canadian boys live.

My heart throbbed for a boy who thrives in a classroom with other kids.  I ponder the future.  He lives in the moment. And I wonder: Does my son even know that he is different?

Then, the children in the classroom listed why my son was a star. What made him special? What surprised me was how fast the answers came. They came from the hearts of kids he has seen this summer. And kids he has spent only 7 days with in school. 7 days.

The very first comment was this: I want to live in Ethiopia. (Really? My son has shown you that it is cool to live in another culture. I love that. It shows he is happy with who he is and happy where he is going.)   An awesome friend.....kind....takes care of his friends....full of energy....enthusiastic....athletic.....cool...

Tears dripped down my nose. Down my cheeks. My son has been blessed.

Blessed by friendship. Blessed to be able to love others.

Although my heart is heavy for my son, my heart is also glad.

No my son won't engage in multiple sports. He'll play soccer.  He'll know how to shoot Gumuz arrows.  He won't sit beside classmates.  He'll sit by his sisters. He won't build snow forts.             He'll build stick forts. He won't sit in a lunchroom. He'll sit with his family or roast chicken over a small fire.

He's learnt that language is a necessarily tool for communication. He's learnt that housing for some people is only a shelter. He's learnt that the neighbour kids are hungry. All the time. He's learnt that clothes can be worn until they are shredded.

He won't grow up to be a typical kid. He'll be a third culture kid. He'll probably struggle to settle down in one place and call it home. He'll probably be great at making friends wherever he goes.

He might not make strong ties with anyone.

He's proud to be a 3^rd culture kid now. I'll be praying for him the rest of his life. That he will embrace the present and be proud of his past. That God will use him more and not less because of who he is.

And I will pray the same for our 4 girls.  They will each have their own story.  My hope is that it will be one that will shape them into godly women who know how to forgive and know how to love deeply.

Who Rules your heart?

This past Sunday, I did a children's feature as part of our presentation on missions.  I thought I would share that message with you.  It is a message about the choice we have EVERYDAY to let God rule our hearts.

The Israelites wanted a king so that they could be like the nations around them.  This wouldn't be so bad but do you know what? They already had a king.  He was the Almighty God!  But their hearts desired an earthly king more than God.  God gave them their desire.  But as God knew they would do, the nation turned their eyes away from their God. Now the king of the earth would lead them. The Israelites had a choice:  Earthly king OR God.  

We live among the Gumuz people.  They don't really have a king that they follow but they do have chiefs and witchdoctors that lead them in different ways.  Most of the Gumuz live in fear of their enemies, evil spirits and even their ancestors.  They fear lightning, curses, and sickness.  Fear is ruling their hearts.

But when the Gumuz people heard about the true God, some of them began to sing a new song.   About Jesus, the true king who takes away the sins of the world.  Their fear was replaced by hope.  Peace.  Joy.  God was ruling their hearts.

Not all the Gumuz have chosen to follow Jesus. God allows them choose who will rule them. The Gumuz have a choice:  FEAR or God.

When we return to Canada we wonder if people realize that their is a choice they have to make.  When we asked our children what they thought was the most important to the people around us, they said this:  computers, cell phones, video games.  (STUFF)  To this I would add: sports, security/health, education.  These things are not bad but they take a lot of time and energy. 

In a few weeks, we are leaving for Ethiopia again.  Our family has a lot of practice putting our most important stuff into just one or two bags each.  But even if we only have a little stuff, it can still rule us.  When we come back to Canada to visit, we have a busy schedule and each day I have to choose also.  Am I going to let stuff or being busy rule my life?

There is a verse in the Bible that says this: “Do not store up treasures on earth....Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven....For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19

God isn't saying we shouldn't have stuff or schedules but he is saying: Don't put those things first!  Don't expect those things to fulfill you.  His heart is grieved when we replace Him with stuff, schedules and security.    He wants us to seek treasures of great value.

I hope that you will think about God's kingdom this year. You can still have stuff. You can still play sports.  You can still seek security.  But God allows you to choose.

EVERY DAY you get to choose who is going to RULE you!   STUFF or GOD

Beads are a Gumuz treasure. Nearly every Gumuz person has them... even the newborns.

 I am going to give you one of these necklaces as a reminder to pray for the Gumuz people.  Pray that they will choose God to rule their lives and not fear! And let it remind you also to let God rule (reign in) your life.