Criticism or Curiousity: Responding to Culture and People

I have birthed 5 children and nursed them all. I was highly encouraged to begin nursing immediately after birth. I have read and heard reasons for why this is so valuable: for bonding, for nutrition, to help with the delivery of the placenta, to slow down bleeding and to stimulate uterus contraction.

I am well aware that there are many mothers unable to breastfeed for a variety of reasons and this is not a writing on such a topic. Because of my limited personal experience is, I am not aware of what happens when a baby is whisked away. But I suspect within a few hours, babies are either being fed by tube/IV or syringe.

I was thrilled to hear that my Gumuz friend had birthed twins the previous evening. I decided to pay a quick visit before starting school with the children. They were tiny. I suspect 3.5 pounds each and they were lying on a mat wrapped in a piece of cloth.

I am always amazed at the strength and independence of Gumuz women. They birth alone and only recently inside their home. Previously, they headed into the forest to birth in complete privacy. She births without a sound and cuts the umbilical cord with either a previously bought blade or the razor sharp edge of a sorghum stalk.

In preparation for birth, Gumuz women search for a special tree and strips the soft, fibrous bark which will help soak up blood that will flow over the coming days. The placenta and blood is swept from the floor with a bunch of green leaves and this is buried in a hole. After this, it is time to rest. There is apparently no hurry in putting an infant to the breast.

When I arrived 12 hours after the birth to see these 3.5 pound twins, I stifled a gasp upon hearing they had not yet nursed. My friend laughed and said, “They are too tired to nurse. They sucked their hands all night. The girl slept all night and the boy cried but he is sleeping now.”

I couldn't help it, I picked up a baby and handed it to the mother. “Please try nursing the baby. The first milk is good for the baby.” She laughed and half heartedly allowed the newborn girl to nurse. After 2 minutes, the infant fell asleep. “See, she is too tired.” I handed her the newborn boy next but he was obviously now in deep sleep after a night of fussing.

So instead of pleading and stating all the reasons she must nurse these babies, I reminded her only of how good the first milk is and that she shouldn't wait too long. (Whatever too long means in her culture.)

Another friend entered the room and seemed surprised to see my friend holding her babies. After all, why weren't they still on the mat on the floor. I mentioned my concern and she also laughed, “Gumuz babies don't die if they don't drink milk for 24 hours. They are too tired to nurse yet. We feed babies who cry loudly and demand to be fed but the ones that are tired need to sleep first.”

I wondered: Is this what makes Gumuz so strong? Life is not going to be easy for these little ones and maybe they need to learn to fight for survival right from the beginning.

I decided it was best not to get emotionally involved in this situation as it can really wear me down but instead gave it to the Lord. This was a woman who had come to dozens of Bible and health teachings and had the knowledge to make good choices. I had to let it go.

The next morning, I tentatively asked my friend's neighbour (who was walking past my house) if the babies were nursing yet. “Oh yes. They are drinking milk well and they cried most of the night. They are very strong.”

Point in case: they had obviously not been harmed by not nursing for the first 24 hours. They will have no trouble bonding with their mother as they will spend most of their time on her back for the next 2 years snuggled in a leather or cloth carrier. (Though I have not yet observed whether Gumuz women place twins together in the carrier or find a young girl to help carry one of them.)

I am first an observer, second a teacher and this has helped me greatly as I have entered into different cultures over the past 18 years. I have no interest in coming in to judge a culture. I may not agree with all the ways things are done but I have also come to understand that there are reasons behind what they do. In some cases, their understanding is based on false information but other times it is actually based on survival.

I try to ask questions filled with curiousity. For example (Long ago, I observed that women do all the collection of firewood and I felt indignant that the men weren't helping their wives with such heavy work.) It is not that my response was wrong but I also didn't need to start criticizing. I needed to ask questions in order to understand.

“Why do women chop all the firewood and carry it home?”

The response given by women: “If the men aren't around and we run out of firewood we can't prepare any food. We can't depend on our husbands. They might not cut the right wood. They might not bring the right amount of wood. They might bring it too late.” These women want to be in charge of their household. Suddenly it made perfect sense.

The men's response was this. “Our women are stronger than we are. Our women don't want us to help. Other men will mock us if we do women's work.”

Cultures are constantly changing but traditional cultures take longer to change. Christian Gumuz men are starting to help their wives (especially after childbirth) and women are starting to accept their husband's help. But it takes time for these changes to be accepted. It takes wisdom to understand and embrace a biblical culture that involves servanthood. For Gumuz, it means being willing to be mocked until these new ways are accepted.

When someone lives life differently from us, we tend to response with curiosity, acceptance or criticism. Responding with curiousity allows me to live in a culture, discover the why behind a practice and share biblical ideas with an uncritical heart. It doesn't mean accepting harmful practices but it does mean responding with love. Criticism does and will enter my heart so I need to constantly bring these attitudes before the Lord so that I reflect Jesus.

This is just as valuable within our western world context. Every family group does life differently and we are living in a world that is rapidly becoming a globalized culture. Especially in urban locations our work places, schools, churches and neighbourhoods are becoming a multicultural society.

Will we respond to one another with fear and criticism or with open hearts, a listening ear and curiosity? When someone new or different moves into our community, will we graciously accept them despite their differences. As I live in community with others, I want to choose curiousity over criticism. I want to understand people's hearts and meet them in that place. I want people to understand my heart.

I suspect, it is as we engage with one another with a gracious and open heart that we can become who God called us to be.....a unified body of Christ and light in a dark world.