Are we willing to go? Are we willing to return?

This post was written in May but the struggle continues...

My heart has been torn so many times. I have said goodbye to so many different people and places that I cannot count the number. Yet each time, the Lord has gently restored my heart allowing me to love again and then let go. The heart of a “nomadic” missionary (one who moves locations during their missionary career and is often on the move in their location) must be willing to love, willing to suffer loss, willing to open up their hands to the Lord and say, “Anywhere, Lord, that you call me, I will go.”

And this is what I have learned: The greater the love, the greater the joy and the greater the pain upon leaving. To love less will shield oneself from pain and joy. The temptation is to shield oneself from pain and 5 years ago, I had the idea of doing just that.

Five years ago, we arrived in Gesses, to learn yet another language and love yet another people group shunned and discriminated by the majority people groups surrounding them. I had this crazy notion that I could do women's ministry without learning the language and without loving too deeply. After all, we were only planning to be here for 5 years. It would be better to just use a translator from Amharic to Gumuz, right?

But the Lord knew my heart. He knew of my deep love for women and the gospel. So, it happened all over again. I so desperately wanted to communicate God's love and message of salvation that I learned the language and opened up my heart.

But this time it was different. This time, our children were older. They no longer just tagged along with their mom or dad to the village. They no longer sat quietly playing in the dirt or drinking tea. They began to engage with the people. They opened up their hearts – they loved and they served. They made friends and learned language. And now our 5 years has come to a close and they don't want to go. And neither do I.

We have been called as a family into cross cultural ministry. We were called as a family to the Gumuz people. And now we feel called back to our homeland for a time of rest and integration but we are not entirely sure that we like this call back. In fact, we are deeply struggling with the realization that we are leaving Ethiopia after more than 16 years of ministry. We have raised our children here and this is home to them.

Each time a child says, “But mom, I don't want to go. I want to stay here,” my heart bleeds for them. We listen to the cry of their hearts to remain in a place that is known to them. Yet deep down, we know and they know it is time. We have come to realize that it doesn't just take God's calling to GO but it also takes God's calling to RETURN. It takes faith to follow God to a land that is unfamiliar or undesirable.

In our last months in Gesses, these are the conversations we are having. “Are WE willing to return to our passport country if that is where God wants us?” Can we love HIM more than THEM? Can we believe HIS calling embraces more than THERE or HERE. We need faith to say, “Anywhere Lord, that you call us, we will go....”