The participants: Gesses groom (B) and Gilgil bride, Gesses bride (D) and Gilgil groom.
Gumuz weddings are complex. They always involve planning a double wedding. In an ideal but rare situation, two brothers of similiar age from different clans exchange adolescent sisters. But it is rare for both girls to be older than 14.
The first believers in Gesses were determined to marry off their oldest son and daughter to believers. After numerous discussions, the brother agreed to wait for marriage until his sister had completed grade 8. By this time, B was past 20 and his sister was 16 years old. It was time for the relatives to find a suitable family to marry into. The right clan, the right age, some education and followers of Jesus!
It would take several months before an appropriate brother and sister were selected and that match took place in prison. The couples met once or twice before the wedding and all agreed to the marriages.
DAY ONE: D's wedding
We were welcome to join in the festivities for as long as we could handle. The wedding festivities go on for a week. On day one, the Gilgil groom arrived in Gesses and singing ensued for most of the night. The next morning, two quick shelters were erected for guests and dozens of 20L jerricans of keya (fermented grain drink) were brought by relatives into the home of the mother of the Gesses bride.
D and her new husband were eventually seated in her parents hut with her protector (husband's best man) on one side and her brother beside her groom. Her protector's job, equivalent to the maid of honor role, was strangely cosy. They all seemed quite pleased and almost comfortable (not something I have observed in any previous Ethiopian wedding). The groom even put his arm around D for a photograph.
The mother of the bride was weeping on and off throughout the day which surprised me as emotions are so rarely shown. As I spoke words of comfort to her, tears trickled down her cheeks. She was losing her first daughter. Oh she would come and visit from time to time but it would never be the same. Her eldest daughter who had worked side by side with her for many years had carried an equal workload to her mother.
As the couple was led into the mother's hut, her tears turned to anger. The mother of the bride (a dear friend of mine) began shouting as the very private ceremony was about to commence. I feared she was about to break up the wedding but her request (stated loudly) was this: “They must be washed.” I was sure my Gumuz language was failing at me for they were well washed well and dressed in style.
Community elders were called in to discuss this dilemna and (against the desire of the couple), the traditional “body washing” took place. The protector, bride and groom's arms, legs and faces were washed with a great deal of soap and then smothered in scented vaseline.
We were among about 30 others seated or standing in the hut but for the next 1/2 hour women visited the bride adding more scented vaseline and sticking small bills of money to her forehead. The protector would then collect the money. Those in attendance (including us) were vaselined (yes it is now a verb) and sprayed with cheap perfume. The bride and groom and protector, now dripping with vaseline, were ready to be married.
A slightly inebriated uncle (in place of the father who was in prison) sat on a log in front of the seated couple. He began a short and rough speech with an interrogative style. “Do you agree to marry this man? To make him food and give him children?”
Her whispered yes was not suitable and so his voice grew louder and the question was repeated until he was nearly shouting. I was glad to know that this bride was actually in agreement with this marriage. I am sure that many others have been forced into submission.
He then spoke to the groom and asked if he would love his wife to which he quickly and firmly stated yes. A few more instructions about how to live peacefully and they were officially married. It was both strange and familiar.
Since Rolf was not in the nearby vicinity, I asked if I could speak some words. I spoke about this couple's commitment to Christ and their desire to serve them. I encouraged the couple in their faith and in their marriage and then the bride's other brother, laid hands on them and prayed for them. It brought tears of joy to my eyes. The first couple in Gesses to be equally yoked. A couple committed to raising children for the Lord. “Oh Father, may there be many more believing parents who choose to arrange Christian marriages for their children. And may these families multiply and fill these hills with peace.”
There were several more hours of festivities, mostly involving guests drinking keya and groups of men and women running up and down the road singing cultural wedding songs mixed with Christian songs.
We returned home and late afternoon Rolf packed the landcruiser with about 18 passengers to take the Gesses groom to the village where his bride was waiting. D, her new husband and friends caught a bus to the same village where she would complete her wedding festivities with her in-laws.
Rolf and his 18 passengers sang gospel songs, honking the horn through all the villages on the way. He decided not to spend the night in the village 20km away but would rather return the next day to bring the Gesses groom and his new wife and their guests back here.
Meanwhile D was received by her inlaws and the celebration continued. Several goats were
slaughtered and dancing continued throughout the night.
DAY 2: B's bride comes
After a morning of festivities and ceremonies in the other village, Rolf was called to return to pick up the party. The car was decorated with leafy branches and the 18 passengers hung out windows singing while Rolf sounded out a beat on the horn. They made their way through villages, the groom threw out candy to the children and women ran up and handed him money.
We briefly went up to greet the couple upon their arrival, drank some keya and returned home. Later that evening, the bride and groom were led to their 8 square foot circular hut with much singing and dancing.
DAY 3: The slaughtering of the cow
The children and I returned to our school routine but joined in more festivities that afternoon. The bull had been slaughtered and was being cut up and distributed. Gumuz love their meat raw and since Rolf and Joel are watching them slaughter the animal, they get the most delectable parts: the liver and other tender parts. While the small group of men relished their very rare and tender steaks, Rolf inquired,
“What about the groom? Doesn't he get some choice pieces of meat?”
They replied with grins on their faces, “He got a woman, what does he need meat for.” After melt in your mouth sirloin, they make their get-away.
Meanwhile I have the honor of eating the only part of the bull that is cooked: the innards. Those are cleaned and then thrown into a large clay pot and cooked in blood. Delicious ... for some.
I am quick to send out invitations for others to join me. “Come, come, join me. Please eat. Enjoy. It is good but it is too much for me.” I invite whoever is near enough to hear and respond.
Eventually my charm wears them down. It is always a gift to have a child or two sitting close enough that I can hand a treat or two off to the big brown eyes eyeing these chewy delicacies.
The plate is empty. I make my leave before anything more is added to my plate and
return home with a chunk of liver and beef and the requested bull's eyeball!
DAY 4-7 Leftovers
We did not return to the wedding party for the following days but the party lasted until the meat and keya was gone. Although we generally consume what is placed before us, there are certain events we choose not to attend so we do not need to make that choice.
Two or three day old unrefrigerated beef is one of those things we choose not to consume and the other is two or three day old keya that continues to bubble and ferment in 20 L jerricans.
The wedding was a success and the brides happily married. No tears as is custom because these girls were already “old maids”, mature and very capable of managing their own homes. It was a joy to participate in a Christian celebration of marriage and our hope is that there will be many more in the years to come.
Gumuz weddings are complex. They always involve planning a double wedding. In an ideal but rare situation, two brothers of similiar age from different clans exchange adolescent sisters. But it is rare for both girls to be older than 14.
The first believers in Gesses were determined to marry off their oldest son and daughter to believers. After numerous discussions, the brother agreed to wait for marriage until his sister had completed grade 8. By this time, B was past 20 and his sister was 16 years old. It was time for the relatives to find a suitable family to marry into. The right clan, the right age, some education and followers of Jesus!
It would take several months before an appropriate brother and sister were selected and that match took place in prison. The couples met once or twice before the wedding and all agreed to the marriages.
DAY ONE: D's wedding
We were welcome to join in the festivities for as long as we could handle. The wedding festivities go on for a week. On day one, the Gilgil groom arrived in Gesses and singing ensued for most of the night. The next morning, two quick shelters were erected for guests and dozens of 20L jerricans of keya (fermented grain drink) were brought by relatives into the home of the mother of the Gesses bride.
D and her new husband were eventually seated in her parents hut with her protector (husband's best man) on one side and her brother beside her groom. Her protector's job, equivalent to the maid of honor role, was strangely cosy. They all seemed quite pleased and almost comfortable (not something I have observed in any previous Ethiopian wedding). The groom even put his arm around D for a photograph.
The mother of the bride was weeping on and off throughout the day which surprised me as emotions are so rarely shown. As I spoke words of comfort to her, tears trickled down her cheeks. She was losing her first daughter. Oh she would come and visit from time to time but it would never be the same. Her eldest daughter who had worked side by side with her for many years had carried an equal workload to her mother.
As the couple was led into the mother's hut, her tears turned to anger. The mother of the bride (a dear friend of mine) began shouting as the very private ceremony was about to commence. I feared she was about to break up the wedding but her request (stated loudly) was this: “They must be washed.” I was sure my Gumuz language was failing at me for they were well washed well and dressed in style.
Community elders were called in to discuss this dilemna and (against the desire of the couple), the traditional “body washing” took place. The protector, bride and groom's arms, legs and faces were washed with a great deal of soap and then smothered in scented vaseline.
We were among about 30 others seated or standing in the hut but for the next 1/2 hour women visited the bride adding more scented vaseline and sticking small bills of money to her forehead. The protector would then collect the money. Those in attendance (including us) were vaselined (yes it is now a verb) and sprayed with cheap perfume. The bride and groom and protector, now dripping with vaseline, were ready to be married.
A slightly inebriated uncle (in place of the father who was in prison) sat on a log in front of the seated couple. He began a short and rough speech with an interrogative style. “Do you agree to marry this man? To make him food and give him children?”
Her whispered yes was not suitable and so his voice grew louder and the question was repeated until he was nearly shouting. I was glad to know that this bride was actually in agreement with this marriage. I am sure that many others have been forced into submission.
He then spoke to the groom and asked if he would love his wife to which he quickly and firmly stated yes. A few more instructions about how to live peacefully and they were officially married. It was both strange and familiar.
Since Rolf was not in the nearby vicinity, I asked if I could speak some words. I spoke about this couple's commitment to Christ and their desire to serve them. I encouraged the couple in their faith and in their marriage and then the bride's other brother, laid hands on them and prayed for them. It brought tears of joy to my eyes. The first couple in Gesses to be equally yoked. A couple committed to raising children for the Lord. “Oh Father, may there be many more believing parents who choose to arrange Christian marriages for their children. And may these families multiply and fill these hills with peace.”
There were several more hours of festivities, mostly involving guests drinking keya and groups of men and women running up and down the road singing cultural wedding songs mixed with Christian songs.
We returned home and late afternoon Rolf packed the landcruiser with about 18 passengers to take the Gesses groom to the village where his bride was waiting. D, her new husband and friends caught a bus to the same village where she would complete her wedding festivities with her in-laws.
Rolf and his 18 passengers sang gospel songs, honking the horn through all the villages on the way. He decided not to spend the night in the village 20km away but would rather return the next day to bring the Gesses groom and his new wife and their guests back here.
Meanwhile D was received by her inlaws and the celebration continued. Several goats were
slaughtered and dancing continued throughout the night.
DAY 2: B's bride comes
After a morning of festivities and ceremonies in the other village, Rolf was called to return to pick up the party. The car was decorated with leafy branches and the 18 passengers hung out windows singing while Rolf sounded out a beat on the horn. They made their way through villages, the groom threw out candy to the children and women ran up and handed him money.
We briefly went up to greet the couple upon their arrival, drank some keya and returned home. Later that evening, the bride and groom were led to their 8 square foot circular hut with much singing and dancing.
DAY 3: The slaughtering of the cow
The children and I returned to our school routine but joined in more festivities that afternoon. The bull had been slaughtered and was being cut up and distributed. Gumuz love their meat raw and since Rolf and Joel are watching them slaughter the animal, they get the most delectable parts: the liver and other tender parts. While the small group of men relished their very rare and tender steaks, Rolf inquired,
“What about the groom? Doesn't he get some choice pieces of meat?”
They replied with grins on their faces, “He got a woman, what does he need meat for.” After melt in your mouth sirloin, they make their get-away.
Meanwhile I have the honor of eating the only part of the bull that is cooked: the innards. Those are cleaned and then thrown into a large clay pot and cooked in blood. Delicious ... for some.
I am quick to send out invitations for others to join me. “Come, come, join me. Please eat. Enjoy. It is good but it is too much for me.” I invite whoever is near enough to hear and respond.
Eventually my charm wears them down. It is always a gift to have a child or two sitting close enough that I can hand a treat or two off to the big brown eyes eyeing these chewy delicacies.
The plate is empty. I make my leave before anything more is added to my plate and
return home with a chunk of liver and beef and the requested bull's eyeball!
DAY 4-7 Leftovers
We did not return to the wedding party for the following days but the party lasted until the meat and keya was gone. Although we generally consume what is placed before us, there are certain events we choose not to attend so we do not need to make that choice.
Two or three day old unrefrigerated beef is one of those things we choose not to consume and the other is two or three day old keya that continues to bubble and ferment in 20 L jerricans.
The wedding was a success and the brides happily married. No tears as is custom because these girls were already “old maids”, mature and very capable of managing their own homes. It was a joy to participate in a Christian celebration of marriage and our hope is that there will be many more in the years to come.
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