November's sun

It's November and the sun is shining warmly on my back. Next year we will be bundling ourselves in layers of winter clothing in hopes of feeling the distant sunlight on our faces. After years of home assignments planned during Canadian summer months and after enjoying 12 months of summer year after year, I am fearful....of a climate change.

It's November and our children are barefoot, playing soccer on the sandy dirt.  It's November and the warm sunshine is pouring into our open classroom windows.  It's November and I can't even find a pair of socks between the children and myself.  Flip flops are sitting neatly on their shelf waiting to be worn into the village.

It's November and the leaves of most trees are beginning to turn colors and fall. They will begin their time of hibernation not from the cold but to survive the dry months ahead. The temperature is rising and the grass will soon wither. Meanwhile, the mango tree will begin to pour its nutrients into sweet fruit; its' bright green leaves glowing in the midst of a barren land. A symbol of God's faithfulness. His provision in the most difficult of times. 

 Next November, I may yearn for the warmth of Ethiopia's sunshine but I trust that He will still provide a symbol of hope in a cold and barren land. 

Compassion Fatigue: The Unhealthy Act of Excessively Bearing the Burdens of Others (October 2015)

Weary. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. How can it be that after only 8 weeks of returning to live among and loving the Gumuz that I am utterly spent? We carefully planned out times of rest on our brief home assignment. We were refreshed in so many ways, encouraged, blessed, and fed.

Within a week of our return, it felt like we had never been away. We embraced the people, we embraced ministry and I embraced home schooling with more enthusiasm than I had in the past.

But my refreshed spirit began wilting...quickly.  I have a feeling that a counselor would have dozens of solutions for the way I do life. More boundaries. Physically and emotionally.  We live among a people who do not understand foreigner boundaries.  If we are home, we are available.  If we have resources, we should share them.

Over time, I have been able to set school time boundaries though random people still walk into our classroom or peek their heads through the open windows. I have had chiefs sit down, women stick pumpkins through our windows, staff insist I hear their request, and mothers with sick children plead for a listening ear. 

 God has given me a heart for people and for His kingdom. He has given me compassion and love for those lost without a shepherd. He has brought dozens of Gumuz women into my life. I have poured myself out sharing the gospel, loving the broken and serving the poor. I have attended children's funerals and wept in their homes. I have listened to their stories of pain. I have opened my heart to them freely.... until I can bear no more. How can I freely love and listen to the heartache of others and still guard my heart? 

And so I realize that I need to be more like Jesus. I need to spend time in reflection and communion with my Father in heaven. I need to be like David.  I need time to lament and pour out of grievances to the Lord before experiencing more.  I need time to worship.  I need to remember He is the Almighty God.  I need to remember His sovereignty and His goodness.  I need to humble myself before Him and repent when I believe that my ways are higher than His.  I need to be healed so I can serve joyfully..  I need to daily cast my (and their) cares on Him.  I need to remember that these are not MY people they are HIS.  

I can listen and love but I cannot heal their souls. That is the work of the Holy Spirit.  I can point them to Jesus but I cannot be Jesus.  I can show them the Father but I cannot be their father.  

"My soul, finds rest, in God, alone. My salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my Rock and My Salvation.  He is my fortress.  I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:5-6

Transitioning from Canada to Gesses (Sept 2015)

It has been months since I have taken time to sit and write. I have missed it.  I love to bridge my life with yours and process the experiences our life here brings us.

I thought I would write this summer. I didn't. There is something beautiful about sharing one's sorrows, joys and experiences in person that for me writing cannot replace.

So we loved our time with people. We loved sharing our lives with those God gave to us. There was something so refreshing about loving and being loved in return....not for what we did but for who we are.

Then it was time to return to Ethiopia and our children were glad. For them, life is simpler in Gesses. They loved their time in Canada but to them, home is Gesses. We returned asking God to reveal to us His purpose for our family and future ministry with the Gumuz. It has not been an easy decision but we are beginning to accept that our time of ministry, in remote locations, is coming to an close....for now. This is not easy to let go. It's been my life for 20 years. But for now, we are here. I invite you again, into my heart and the beauty and pain of ministry among Gumuz – who desperately need to find release from fear.

Embracing the Grip of Jetlag

(I wrote this back in September, 2015 but didn't post.)

Relentless. Consuming. Debilitating. Exhausting. Jet lag began to grip my soul as my memory awakened to past experiences travelling through numerous time zones in the easterly direction. 

I decided before leaving our continent to put a little more effort into researching how to manage jetlag but all the sites seemed to say the same thing.

1. Rest before the journey.
2. Start adjusting your time ahead of time.
3. Drink only water on the flight. No caffeine.
4. Stay awake upon arrival if arriving during the day time.
5. Don't take naps during the day.

Seriously?  These are obviously written for a single business person in mind. Someone who is making a trip on their own and will be back in a few days or weeks.  These are utterly useless for a family leaving their home country for months or years at a time. What they never say is that when travelling as a group or family, you will ALL end up managing jetlag differently. 

For our family of 7 this is how we chose to respond:

1. There is no rest before one moves from one continent to another. Packing 2 suitcases each according to the 50lb regulation requires extensive packing and repacking. No one wants to say their farewells to friends and family weeks in advance so we embraced all the last meals and late evenings. We had paperwork to complete and a house to pack up but relationships were always first.  We did not rest but we left with no regrets.

2. See number one.  I can't even imagine attempting this.
   
   
3. The drink cart passed by every several hours with a huge selection of drinks while one was desperately trying to fill up endless hours of monotonous sitting. We encouraged our children to drink juice and water but if they wanted a fizzy drink, they could have one. Coffee? Yes please.  We still have hours before a bed is in sight.  We embraced the journey (avoiding excessive caffeine and sugar so that we didn't have any sugar related meltdowns).  
4. 
   LOL. After more than 20 hours in transit with random napping at random hours while travelling through numerous time zones, we arrived at our guesthouse at 11am. Keep 5 children awake when we could not longer stand up? We fell exhausted into our beds and slept until 4pm. Sometimes it is about survival.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. We stayed up late since we HAD napped during the day and spent quality time reading and drawing together.  When we woke up at 4am, we decided not to fight jetlag but make creative memories together. And guess what?  Despite doing everything "wrong", we were all sleeping through the night within 4 days (a personal record).  Embracing jet lag, actually shortened it!  We ate meals at random times and slept when our bodies needed rest.  In the end, I believe this was exactly what we needed.

As parents, we took turns hanging out with our kids who couldn't sleep at night and any distress our children felt at being awake in the middle of the night was erased. 

The grip of jet lag is real. One can fight it and become utterly discouraged or embrace it and make beautiful memories in the process. 

PS What's your jet lag success story?  Together, we could make a much more realistic internet list of overcoming jet lag with children.

ged or embrace it and make it into an exhaustingly beautiful memory.

The discipline of reflection

It's time to renew the discipline of reflection.  For 5 months, I have posted quick updates on fb with the hope that writing something was better than nothing.  It's for the grandparents and friends that desperately want glimpses into our life, I told myself.  I have attempted to weekly send out prayer requests which became like a lifeline during a stream of crises in the lives of those we serve and in our family.  Yet I needed more.  More time.

I mourned the loss of reflection.  Life upon returning to ministry and homeschooling our 5 children in rural Ethiopia became so full (not in the busy North American way) that I could no longer find that quiet place of solitude.

Yet I believe reflection is vital. Without times of reflection, how can we process the joys and sorrows of life.  Without times of reflection, how can we let go of burdens before receiving new ones.  Without times of reflection, how can we intentionally pursue the best in life instead of just taking what comes.

And so I found myself mourning the loss of this time and stumbling under the burdens of ministry and homeschooling.  Just surviving but no longer thriving.  Accountability is absolutely necessary for me to renew the discipline of reflection and so I invite you once again into my life as a missionary in the remote villages of Northwestern Ethiopia.  

I invite you to catch a glimpse of what it is like to live remotely for the sake of the gospel.   I invite you to pray for the gospel to take root and grow among the  Gumuz people for the glory of God.  

Enough time

There is never enough time. I am convinced that whether we stay 3 months or 3 years, there would never be enough time to complete all the tasks we would like to before heading across the ocean. We used the time we had and try not to lament about the people we didn't see, the places we didn't go and the stuff we didn't do. It's all about perspective. Either the time was enough or it will never be enough.

So...we had enough time and it was good. We travelled, visited, played, biked, prayed, swam and shared our lives with those around us. We could always do more but now it is time to just finish the tasks before us. Here we are again, trying not to bite our nails as we finish all the last minute things (which for us ends up being paperwork and tedious tasks – paying bills, sending in medical receipts and ministry claims) and packing our 50lb bags and carryons without sharp objects or liquids.

Our children are eager to return to the quiet routine of village life. Our pace is going to slow down dramatically. Our calendar will be blank for months at a time and our porch will be full. Strangely, the transition to a slower life will not be as difficult as entering the Canadian life –with a calendar on our phone reminding us of all the places we need to be.

We will miss the conveniences of life – the whirring sounds of washing machine and dishwasher and the steady stream of cool air blowing through vents on a hot day. We will miss information at our fingertips and phoning a friend when we want to play or talk. We will miss family and the option to have a quiet, uninterrupted morning.

But, we will embrace God's creation surrounding us for miles in every direction. We will embrace the hungry and the sick, the widows and orphans and those who are lost without a shepherd. And we will speak words of life to them and pray that they might embrace the One who loves them with all His heart.

Part 2: RE-ENTRY. Rules & Regulations : Physical & Social

There are many rules and regulations in the foreign country one enters and many challenges a missionary faces to function there.  But, one doesn't generally spend much time thinking about how one's home country's rules and regulations look to foreigners or missionaries re-entering the country.

It is often a rather overwhelming experience to find what is needed to function on a basic level (atleast in our situation).  Renewing an expired driver's license can take several trips to the local Autopac as ID, bank statements or hydro bills are needed to prove our residency.  Cell phones need to be set up, carseats found and installed for children 8 and under, two pairs of shoes (indoor and outdoor) for children entering public school and a way to pay for set up costs.

We left a country where we carry literal stacks of cash in order to go grocery shopping.  Now we place our debit/credit cards back in our wallets (and if they are expired renew them as quickly as possible) and attempt to remember all the pin numbers stored in the recesses of our minds.

Once my husband and I are mobile (can both drive), can communicate (have a working cell phone) and can pay (have the use of our credit/debit cards), we are officially able to externally function in our home country.  So when you see missionaries floundering that first week or two after arriving, it may be they are still trying to get themselves organized enough to function physically.  

After that....comes the social re-entry.  Like the first time one enters a subway and awkwardly gapes at all the choices, flounders at all the questions and wonders if anyone notices their embarrassment.  Like the first time one uses a debit card forgetting the pin card and then realizes the other cards in hand are either expired or in her husband's name.  Like the first time, one is asked how it is to be back in Canada and you pause unsure of how to answer that.  Is that just a greeting or does that person actually want to hear? The easy answer is, "It's great to be back." 

The fact is, after some initial work, we can easily fit back into the external rules and regulations but socially it will take more time.  Somedays, we can just embrace it and immerse ourselves back into your lives but other times: our Gesses home, the villages, the people flash into our minds and we wonder, "Who are we in this place? What is our role?"  We leave a place of intense ministry to a place where we now depend on others until we unpack our bags, hearts and minds.

It takes time to enter a new society but it also takes time to re-enter a known society.   Re-entry is like a hesitant's child's first day back at school, a student entering college for the first time.  It's like leaving Middle school and entering High school.  It's like changing companies or churches.  It's like going to a banquet unsure of which fork to use.  It's familiar and yet foreign.

Anticipation mixed with some fear.  Yet when you look back we wonder:  why was that experience so difficult.  I could have made it a whole lot easier.  But we can't.

The rules have changed.  The language has changed.  The climate and environment has changed.  Our kids need shoes to enter most places.  Cutlery is used most of the time.  Clean water can usually be used from the tap.  Toilets do flush.  Schedules are important.  

So when you see a missionary family floundering at one moment and engaged at another moment, don't be surprised.  We are like salmon migrating back to our hatching grounds.  Internally we know the way but the journey is sometimes long and difficult and there may be diversions along the way.  

Re-entry takes time.  Laugh with us.  Cry with us.  Listen to our hearts and share yours also.  In the end, it's not understanding how to follow the rules and regulations, schedules and social etiquette that make this home for us; it's you.